i remember the time when she had a bad haircut.. the moment she steps out of hougang mall, her tears drop and i gave her a hug. she lied her head on my shoulder crying and saying that the haircut make her very very ugly and she is afraid that i will leave her because of that... foolish gal... why would i wan to do that... have faith in me.. =D But now...



Im glad u are still reading my blog.
I really wish you well..
All the best..
Sorry that i make u sad each time..
I swear i will control myself to cut it down.
Please don feel angry or sad or anything unpleasent after reading this..
I really mean no harm.

Today sux big time.. Woke up and thought of something which make me emo.. Used the com and saw something which makes me more emo.. She is happy with one of her old classmate now.. Wad should i do... English paper, i wrote abt her.. And i cry out during the exam.. Luckily no one saw it.. Letter writing, flunk for sure.. I don even know wad i am writing about.. Ss, i don even know wad the question is talking about... So thats it man...


Finally im using a pillow cover. Have not been using it for a long long time..

Life is miserable....
Life sux...

Went to Bishan Junction 8 today..

Memories... Haha i was real shy then...

Last night was like hell... I drank and drank until i din even know im drunk... I lied flat on the ground somewhere near py house without my shirt on... My head cant even think properly... And it hurts alot... Ernest and bl forced me to vomit and i hate that feeling... I even cried in front of all of them... I really don know wad am i becoming to........... Smoking and drinking.......



My life sucks once again... But this time, its worst.....

I din know my body is so weak.. Had sore throat on wednesday, slight fever, cough and flu on thursday, cough on friday and now headache and cough on saturday. Wads next man... This is the first time im having such a bad cough... And its scaring me. My father strongly discourage me and my bro to drink alot or smoke. I did not tell many people why... And this coughing is scaring me alot.... Not a good feeling man, coughing out wad you ate.. Sucks....

My cough is still with me and to make things worst, im having ache from NAFA test yesterday. And each time i cough, i can feel the pain in my stomach man. Spoilt another ear piece.. I don know wads wrong wif me man... I got to say, ernest and cy know me best man.... No doubt... Thanks man...



How i wish i have a pet dog or something. So that i can spend my time with it. Share my happiness and sorrows with it. Hug it whenever i am sad. That would be nice... Way nice...... =D
But im sure that my mum wont allow it...

Im coughing my food out. Bad health... Fuck it.. Saw a kitten in a drain just now, tried to lure it out. But my cough scared it away. Cigrattes are getting more and more expensive.. But i realise, if u have alot of frens who smoke, getting cigrattes is easy...


Oh yea.. Its my mum brithday today....

Life sucks without some care and concern and without you man.. Coughing through the night, sneezing in the morning.. Everyday i'll wake up at 6 plus for sure, no matter how tired i am.. I just donno why.. And after i wake up for a moment, the feeling of uncomfort come again to my stomach. I really donno what is happening to me.. But i do know one thing though, this is killing me..

Hmm. Studied in school after lessons till about 6. This is the first time man. Saw something in the weekly friday which can express my feelings now. Guess thats all i wanna say here.

Something is wrong with my stomach.. Whenever i eat anything, i will feel a strange feeling inside. Hen bu shu fu.......

Got back from school, played basketball for awhile. And im bored now. People are asking me to watch anime to spend my time. But i really got no mood for that...

Im so lost in love... I know that things have to move on... But its not as easy as it seems.. I've tried plenty of times.. But i just cant do it. I'll try one last time. If this wont work, i really don know how to move on anymore. If there is any suggestion on how to get out of this please let me know.. So much work undone, Eng journal, math paper and Dnt.. Hmm, guess tis week will be drinking week once again.. Im sure that i'll be the one who drink the most... Living ma life with sorrows.


This taught me something, never love someone till a 100% . And nothing last forever... I think after all this ended, i will have a phobia to getting into relationship...

Just got back from soccer at NP with my bro and im all tired out. Long journey home too. Kinda cool playing there, the toilet is just beside the street soccer court. I almost got lost when im looking for a vending machine to get some drinks. A big place indeed.

After thinking for awhile, i feel that maybe wad he said was right... But all ma frens have life of their own and things they are suppose to do. Not much of ma frens can listen to me rant. Not much listening ears in ma life man.....

Confession.

I may seems like a good boy but looks can be deceiving. I admit, im not such a good guy after all. I bullied people in school before, do illegal stuff, sneak out of the house late in the middle of the night. And about smoking, i had a puff or two before. Let my mum down again and again and i have beta record.. Not such a great guy after all huh?



Living my life with guilt now. Lesser and lesser, its just getting lesser. Lesser people to spend my time with. Cy got his training, bl got jamie, nest need his afternoon nap, ben needa go home to help out his mum, cath got her stuff to do, nothing much to do online either. How am i going to spend my time..... Dota dota and dota? Feeling like a emo right now who can cry anytime man. Its just like a sudden downfall, my life is going down down down. Nothing seems to be right. Switching on the com also reminds me of sad stuffs now..... Being kind is not such a great idea after all. Hmm. Maybe i should go back to wad i used to be. Does it have to end up for me to go to tutor's house everyday straight after school till 9 in the night? Or should i pick up a habit which consume time and provide me a place to go? Until now smoking is the only thing that come to my mind now. Scold me coward or wadever anyone of you wan. My life now really sux big time. Try putting urself in my shoes before giving any comments. Parents divorced, father re-married, dropped from express to NA, gf left me, a good fren have problems wif her bf because of me, all ma frens are busy with stuffs. Theres just one last thing which can make it worst. That is for me to have an accident and break my leg which prevent me to play soccer.

i will be shutting down my blog soon. Sorry abt everything.

Im glad we managed to talk things out. At least my trip there is kinda paid off. I will try not to fall any deeper and climb my way up. Im not very sure whether i can do it. I really don know. But just hope that you are happy. Maybe during my climb, i'll need some push and support, and i just hope you will be there for me.



To everyone who is going to poly, all the best in your poly years. I will work hard and join all of you next year. Take care ma frens.



Seriously tired...

Utterly disappointed.
I told many people that you said you still got feeling for me. Everyone was like disagreeing, but i believe you. But today, i finally realise that you will only have feelings for me when u are bored and alone at home. Thats when you will talk to me nicely. But when you are out with your frens, its like the same. You don need me suddenly. Stop giving me false hope. I really really hate it alot. If you want it take it, if not leave it. Dont want it just when you are bored and chuck it aside when you are not bored. There are some things you will have to pay a price for having it. For the problems that you post on ur blog, i've a solution for you. Get more frens to go out with you everyday and you can cleanly forget about me. You can say im harsh with my words, but im really sick of getting hurt again and again. And im utterly utterly disappointed. My only regrets now is that i fall so so deep for you. Now i have to climb all the way back up.

Don really know how long did i slept last night. Sleepless night is pissing me off. Twisting and turning on bed non stop. Until i checked my phone, the time is 6.38 . So i see no point trying to sleep again. Why is this happening to me man.



Pissed off by sleepless nights, dark circles all out once again.

I don know wad is the fucking problem man. I cant fucking sleep and i cant even fucking sign in my fucked up msn. Bored like fuck...

Was almost late for school today, woke up at 8.08 when the gates shut at 8.20. Bro came into my room to watch EPL highlights when i was trying to sleep last night. Although its kinda noisy but i fall asleep eventually. Ran 2.4km and the rest of the day i was all tired out. Time: 11.36 Hmm. Donno whether that was good. Mr faizan said i was one of the fittest guy in rugby. Whoa whoa whoa. That was the past. Kevin said Power la you, you are consider fit according to your size. Yea, i admit im fat. Martin said your stamina is good. And yea, those words made my day. =D Gotta get rib of those fats before i enter poly next year man. Wanna be a fat boy no more! Girls love people to say that they are pretty and guys love people to say that we are FIT! Nic is phsyco man, he will giggle when he run pass you during 2.4, sicked bastard. Chem test tomorrow is postpone. My chinese teacher noticed my change.


Im so addicted to Hip Hop man. Maybe next time when i head off to town, i will wear that bling bling that my bro bought. And of course his sweater. Cool man! I even wanna get a bling which can spin! =D Awesome. Hip hop rocks. Im finding a space in my blog to list my favourite hip hop songs.

Thats me being molested by martin and kevin. Martin wanna marry me man. Cool! Gayness 100% I need some love baby. But im getting it from people of the same gender, i dont know why. Hahaha. They are great people after all. =D

Frankie J - Be Home Soon. Its been awhile since i heard this song. Its nice...


Hello sweetheart, so how was your day
Well I'm just sittin here
Thinkin of you...
I feel like I'm a go crazy...

I can't stand no other minute
Away from your heart
I just wanna get on
The first plane home
And head straight into your arms
Yeah...

I know you miss me shorty
I'm missin you too...
So I swear and I promise
That I will be there
That I'll be home soon...baby, yeah

Chorus:
I'll be home soon...
It's just these phone conversations
Ain't helpin our relation
And I'd rather be there with you oh ...

I'll be home soon...
It's just these times got me stressin
And I haven't been so patient
Cuz I'd rather be there with you oh...

Listen now darlin...
Don't you worry 'bout a thang
I know it hasn't been
Easy for you babe
But I know we're gonna make it
Through this rain yeah...
Sometimes my job gets crazy
And it's hard for me too
But I've got too work hard
No matter the cost
And I do it all for you baby yeah...

Now I know you miss me shorty
Cuz I'm missin you too...
So I swear and I promise
That I will be there
That I'll be home soon...yeah

I'll be home soon..
(oh, you know that I'll be home with ya baby)
It's just these phone conversations
Ain't helping our relations
And I'd rather be there with you...
(I would rather, I would rather be there eith you)

I'll be home soon...
(I can't wait to see your pretty face baby)
It's just these times got me stressing
And I haven't been so patient
Cuz I'd rather be there with you
(I'm so confused, I'm still missing you baby)
(I'm still missing you, and I know we're gonna be together, together, together baby)

Oh cool man, Cy just pang seh me and im all alone for dinner now. And he woke me up from my beauty sleep. Last night, i read a bedtime story before i go to sleep. Haha, the story is about measuring cylinder, pipette, burette, gas syringe and many more. Shall continue the story today. Im now looking for a web to watch spongebob and dragon ball. Im so bored! Today in school during english lesson, a sec one guy walk pass our class and started scolding people. And jing hui ask him to diam. Instead of doing so, the sec one guy scolded him and that made him mad. He walked out of the class and almost whack that guy. But my teacher stopped him.

Seriously, the lower sec now have to learn wad is called respect man.

Oh yea, chem test this friday. Its about mole concept i think.

This post is about thanking people. Although some of them dont view my blog.

To ChewBingLong: Thanks for being there for me at my lowest point of life and your words (who ask u to be my brother) really touched me and i feel so loved. Great to have a brother like you. All the best in your relationship with jamie, she is a nice girl and u better treat her well. If not u will get it from me.

To Ernest Haw: Thanks for being there for me at my lowest point of life and ur actions (gathering MANPOWER to cheer me up) really touched me too and i feel so loved. Great to have a brother like you. All the best in your journey to your paradise. Please dont stop halfway this time round. One thing i bet you had learn, hard works pays off. Hopefully we can get into Np.

To ChongYong: Thanks for being there for me at my lowest point of life and chatting with you on the phone was nice. Actually your words make me realise something. Work hard training at SBA, really wish you all the best inspite of knowing that we wont be seeing each other much in school. All the best in becoming the next famous badminton play in singapore. All the best in changing her, although most of my words are not nice. But if you are really in to something, i have faith u can do it! But sometimes i know things wont be perfect, so just chill out man. Take it easy and i will be glad to clear your doubts in any maths questions.

To Benjamin Tay: Thanks for helping me in vectors in class although i still cant understand much but i can see the effort you put in to teach me. Although the way u talk to me in class is very kuai lan, but i know u are just joking, Thanks for all the sweets you gave me in class. I will buy them too if i remember. You are seriously my true friend. Lets work hard together and hopefully we can get into the same course in NP.

To Daryl Leong: Thanks for being there for me at my lowest point of life and your long long messages really touched me and i feel that you really care for me and want me to get better. Great to have a brother like you. Good luck in poly, you are a great guy and im sure you will find your partner soon. Wide choices in poly. =D And do lets us know if you got one.

To Aaron Chew: Thanks for being there for me at my lowest point of life and your method of trying to cheer me up is weird. But it helps. =D And try to stick to one, changing targets will get you no where man. One more thing, i dont really wan to see you and des liktat, i bet the rest of use as well. Rock on!!!

To MelvinGuan: Okay yours will be short, but thanks for messaging me and i wont bully you that much next time le. =D

To KokWee and Angel: Thanks for entertaining me that night, i was really really lonely and hopeless. Thanks man. And angel if you have any problems in your work, you can approach cy or kokwee. I believe they will try their best to help u and whichever ways they can. They are nice people. And of course u can approach me, i will help u too =D

To Martin Kevin and Marc Chia: All your actions in class have brought me plenty of laughter, all the slapping and balls grabbing was kinda scary. So please don make my your next target. BALLS OF STEEL!!

And last but not least,
To Valerie: Thanks for being there for me at my lowest point of my life and everything you do really cheer me up. Wanting to meet me so late at night and its okay =D, talking to me to clear my thoughts and think of other stuffs, guiding me in chemisty when i know you are bored when im doing the work u asked me to do and being afraid that i will be lost at Marina Square. It feels great to have a such a great friend like you. And i really really feel so loved. Thanks for the textbook, guidebooks, notebook, notes, advise for work and your effort. Really appreciate it alot! I don feel that hopeless in chemistry anymore. And all the best in your relationship with legend and enjoy your poly life in days to come. Real hope to be able to get into NP next year. HOHOHOHO!


I will be treating some of them for dinner and i will make it on a day where by most of them are free. So please do come if i asked u to. =D Sorry if some of the messages start in the same way, but this is just how i truly feel.

Hmm. Come to think of it, i guess im gonna flunk my Mid-year. I don even know what is going on during math lessons. Vectors vectors and more vectors. I don even know anything.

Hmm. Im tired indeed. Slept only 5 hours yesterday. Hmm, almost slept during Dnt lesson, but my teacher did not scold me or wad and talked to me nicely. So i was kinda glad so i took the pass from him and went to wash my face. Instead of the toilet, i went to the water cooler instead. The water was cold. It almose freeze my eyes. After that the lessons was alright. Nothing much happen. After school met valerie at city hall, she guide me alot in chemisty man. 3 whole hours of chemisty man. And i learn alot, LIMEWATER = CALCIUM HYDROXIDE HYDROCHLORIC ACID = HYDROGEN CHLORIDE. And alot alot more. Thanks man really needed that. And i really feel better le. And she gave me plenty of books, back kinda ache when carrying it.

Look at that stack of books man. When i reach home my shoulders can finally take a rest. Haha, thanks for the books. I will study hard.

Cant believe im that weak. Slept on the floor for 4 hours only and i am feeling the ache on my back.

Yea cy im chilled. But this chilling comes with a price. Show you my knuckles on our next meeting. Hmm, last night py asked me to go clubbing with them later in the night today. But i think i shall pass. My phone is in a real bad condition now. Everything seems to be dropping out, its shedding its skin. But this phone of mine is not even one year old.


Knuckles are hurting since i woke up man.

Movie at 9. Cool. Within this 9 months i tink i never even watched a movie with you at 9 before.





Fuck it.

A fucked up night indeed. I started lying on my bed and tried to sleep at 10.30 pm in the night. And after turning and fliping on my bed i only can get some sleep at around 1 plus. BUT somehow im woke up at 3. Fuck it man. Hate this fucking feeling of being tired and not able to sleep.



Hmm. Is it that every relationship will end with a break up?
Its just a matter of when?
Just like every human being came to this earth,
And they will die eventually?
Its just a matter of time?

I had plenty of thoughts about this question when im trying to sleep. And i cant really get the answer. And yea, exams near the corner. Why must all the problems pop out at this point of time?



Sometimes a hug at the crucial moment will indeed help alot.

Stopped dota for 2 days, hope i can resist the temptation of playing. So cy STOP ASKING ME TO DOTA! I will look for u when i want to. Once a week. Im not letting any games ruin my future anymore. Soccer tomorrow i suppose.

If you donno what to say or how to say something?
JUST SMILE! =D
A smile is worth a thousand words.
Yea baby! WOOO!

Hmm. Today was kinda alright, nothing much happen in school. The only thing is that martin and gang were playing sisscors paper stone in class. The loser will get a slap. And it was scary, they showed no mercy when slapping each other. The worst part is that they were still laughing away after getting slap. Weird classmates huh? But they are all nice guys. =D


Yesterday i went to popular to get a note book to write down notes. And when im paying for the book, a lady (age about 20 and a complete stranger to me) offered me a popular membership card. I was totally shocked and don know wad to do. So i just rejected the offer. I know its kinda bad to reject someone's nice offer. But i was too shocked to react. But i did thank her quite a number of times for offering the card. Hmm. This shows that there are still nice people out there man.

Hmm. The start of yesterday was kinda fucked up. My father asked me to wait for him at a bus stop. When he came, guess who is in the car as well. His wife and his son. Fuck it man. I was wondering, wtf is his problem man. Okay lets put the sad stuff aside. So i did not really smile until my cousins came. They brought me such joy. We were laughing all the way. Sheltering each other from the rain. Helping my grandpa to mend the cracks on his grave. Sharing musics in the car. They made my day. =D After that i went to marina square to met up wif cy and frens SOAKED IN RAIN. I have to thank my uncle man. He is such a great and nice guy. I told him to send me to the nearest MRT station which is bishan or amk, but instead he send me all the way to MS. He knows im in a rush, as its kinda late le. So i think he kinda speed up, the way he drives and cut through the cars at the expressway is cool man. Thanks uncle. =D So i met up with frens and they were planning to watch a movie at plaza or cathay. So i joined them but that fucked up jos say he wants to go back to hougang to find rayner. Fucking piece of shit. I rush down all the way and this is the kind of shit that i get? Maybe i should reconsider joining the outing. If not for wee chat i won t ok? Fucker! In case many people dont know, wee chat is the birthday boy. So we carried on catch a movie called the number 23 i guess? Fall asleep in some part of the show. But the movie was alright. Kinda understand it. After movie we took cab home and thats all folks.



Yesterday i told poh yong that he is a nice guy.
his replied was, not many people say that to him and it feels good.
So poh yong, u've always been a great guy in my eyes. No doubt about that.
Another cancerian. =D